Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Real or Not Real

I finished reading "Mockingjay" ( the last of book of "The Hunger Games" trilogy) today. Sometime this morning. I forget exactly when. I worked from 1:30pm-9:30pm tonight... so sometime before noon. I really wanted to finish it last night... but I was sooo tired and still had a long way to go.

It's funny how you see certain characters clearly in books. How you fill in the blanks and "draw" the characters in your mind- especially with the characters who are not described very clearly. To me- "President Snow" was a Chinese man. Specifically a "Beijinger" - a man who was born and raised in "the capital" ( of China) and had all of the mannerisms and dialect of someone born in Beijing. This makes sense because "The Capitol"  and the entire country of Panem always reminded me of Beijing and China  (censorship, districts/provinces, etc.) I even had a dream where "The Hunger Games" was a real thing in the "real world" and two children were picked from each country to fight to the death in "the Capitol" ( of the world) - Beijing.

Randomly/Oddly - "President Coin"  in my mind looked and sounded like US Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.

At the end of the "day" (trilogy), I am  happy with the way that things turned out. I am sad that the  trilogy is over. I am looking forward to seeing the movie ( hope they'll show it here!)... and I am still "Team Peeta".

We all have those "Gale's" in our lives. The really good friend that we would fight and die for, the one who we love like family, but who we never could really see ourselves with in a ... "romantic" way. Whether you are a woman who dates men or a woman who dates women, a man who dates men or a man who dates women, etc. ... we all know the feeling. There are those friends who you LOVE ... but you would not, cannot ever cross the line with. The "chemistry" is just not there. It just doesn't exist. It's different. I think it was always that way with Katniss and Gale. In her mind anyway.

... and then there are those people who we are "thrown into the ring" with. The ones who we would have never noticed without the world intervening and throwing us at each other. The ones who catch us by surprise.  That is Peeta and Katniss. He always existed in her peripheral vision but she never really noticed him until she was forced to. Only then did the smallest memory ( the burning bread, the starvation, etc) coming flooding back to her and a connection was cemented into her mind.

I feel like I've been "thrown into the ring" here with Lisa. Sometimes I even feel like I'm playing that "Real Or Not Real" game that Katniss played with Peeta when he was trying to get a hold on reality after being tortured and brainwashed by The Capitol. There are "trackerjackers" seeping into my skin and "mutts" gnawing at my sanity and I'm just trying to .... get out of the arena with my mind (and my heart) in one piece.

I am wondering if snarky sarcasm translates through "Google Translate" ... even when you use ALL CAPS in English and "quotation marks"... I'm still not sure if the message gets across. I had some palpable, physical heat, some anger boiling through my veins today. ( In fairness though it's probably also almost that time of the month - sorry guys but- REAL).

I know that Lisa has been busy looking for jobs ... and I KNOW that not having money IS frustrating. But still, I thought that she would reply to a message that I had sent her last week - or send me a message to say that she was sorry that she could not meet up for dinner with me and Helen when we went out on Sunday night ... but she didn't.

 She DID have a little money to be social and go to KTV last Wednesday night with some friends though. Helen told me because she invited Helen. I was working - from 1:30pm until 9:30pm. I think they went to KTV at 8pm. So I was at work ... but still, hearing this, I felt a little hurt to not be invited. After  singing together and making promises to go back and sing together again soon ... plus Helen speaks English ... so I would have someone to have conversation with even if Lisa's friends do not speak English ... and I could show up late... SHE (Lisa) showed up an hour late when WE all went LAST time.

I just felt angry. "In English, we have a saying 'Actions Speak Louder Than Words.'" ( and yes this *gem* was a quote from the message that I sent her today). I just felt like I am trying my hardest to learn Chinese and to make time for her. She claims to "want" to spend time  together and "wants" to learn English ...  but sometimes ( like today) I really have to wonder (and ask her)  "REAL or  NOT REAL?"

*sigh* Maybe it's all much more innocent than I'm making it...
Maybe she knew that I would be tired after teaching a 2 hour class and would just have wanted to go home? I know this much: She wants to learn English. (REAL)  She wants to travel abroad (REAL). She wants to learn more English so that she can tell me her "heart feelings" (REAL - she typed that on her computer to me).  She has given me the name Li (her family name) (REAL). She was sad..sad..sad... if she "had a thousand words" it would not be enough to describe her feelings leaving me" when she left Best Learning (REAL - in an email I will post here at some point.) She asked me if I would ever "marry a Chinese PERSON" and then pulled me in close to take a picture together when I said "absolutely". (REAL)

It all leaves me feeling a little like Katniss - the way that she always expected the worst from Peeta - and then regretted treating him so badly after the fact- when it was made clear that he had her best intentions in mind.

I just want to get out of the ring ... far away from the grasp of President Snow.
I want these "games" to be over.

May the odds be ever in our favor...

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