Friday, July 13, 2012

Goodnight Bats!

"It's ONLY 1:35am!" - me to myself

I feel like jumping for joy.

"It feels like it should be so much 'later'" - is literally what I thought when I looked at the computer screen clock. But that's ok. It means I'm not in bed any later than usual. It means.... I still have time to get to bed.... "earlier" - than 3am.

The other day I had a meeting with my School Manager. Just a followup after my 1st class observation. Everything went well with the observation and this was kind of "tying up the loose ends" meet up. We went to a coffee shop across the street from my school.

I had filled out a little questionnaire about things that I felt confident with, areas/things that I needed help with, what I thought could be improved, etc... and I didn't hold back. Not that, that means I was angry or extremely blunt, but I was honest on all sides. I don't always offer up my opinion on something randomly, but if someone asks me a question about my opinion I have this thing where.... I'm just honest. If I am asked something, in that moment I will give you my honest feeling/thought/idea/truth.

So when he asked " are you having any problems outside of work?" I wrote down that since I got here, for the past 2 months, I've been having trouble sleeping. Ironically enough, I found out that my manager's wife is a manager at a Starbucks in Taipei!

APPARENTLY - the coffee in Taiwan is not the best quality and so they add extra caffeine to it. I'm not sure "HOW" this improves the quality.... I would think quality would have to do with the flavor...but that explains my 3am night owl life that's been going on here.

I could drink coffee around 9pm and fall asleep fine back in the US... but that's not working here.
SO what I've decided to do is to stop all coffee-drinking after 1pm. Maybe we can stretch it to 3pm at some point- but for now? no mercy. Gotta be tough.

Sleep was definitely easier last night- I woke up feeling more refreshed this morning- like I had, had a better QUALITY of sleep. So hopefully I'll get in bed by 2pm here - "one hour early!"- and continue weening myself off and hopefully getting to bed by midnight on average soon.

Also, I'm going to try to write more here, more regularly, in this blog..... just to "vent"... and in between give some posts more in the vein of my "Tourist's guide to ..... Taipei" and/or " Things I love about New York..."

I don't know where Lisa and I are now. It's challenging to be that person who is caught at the crossroads of heartbreak with one person and potential hope with another person. But I know many people have been there. This is also probably the time that "rebounds" happen if and when they do. But I don't have the heart for a rebound. Actually, I don't think you need a heart to have a rebound, but I'm just not the person who jumps into something new so quickly. I'm still... longing for that past a little and I just need time to... sort through it and come to terms with it.

I wrote on Facebook earlier saying that I'm going to go to Guangzhou - and either way I still am - to visit Jenny's family for Chinese New Year-- to talk to Lisa in 6 months and we will "have the talk" in Chinese and figure out what went wrong.  But I don't know if that was just defenses, just my denial kicking in .... I'm still tangled up in this.... and I'm the only one who can get myself out of this web. I just need some time.

and some sleep now.

Remember if you are in TAIWAN, reading this, the COFFEE IS EXTRA CAFFEINATED!!!! Don't drink after 4pm!
 ..... unless you are a Taiwanese high school student who attends high school during the day and then goes off to  your complicated math skills buxiban, English buxiban, and weekend music class.... and you need 12 hours to catch up on all that homework. Then you've got a pass.

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